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To Assume means to make an…

I was thinking about assumptions today. Back when I first started on the Internet (back when alt. was the only way to chat and MUDs were causing people to flunk out of school) your username and your finger file were what people had to go by. When I used a female username, I was treated as date bait and when I used a male username, or even an indeterminate one, I was treated as one of the guys. That sounds a bit unfair, and it is. Even if I IDd myself as female, and used a male name, I was treated reasonably. I came to the conclusion (supported by my male friends) that it was presumed, when using a female name, that I was a guy acting out a bad stereotype (or that I was possibly some sort of technohooker).

But dong let me get sidetracked, the discussion here isn’t a boy versus girl one. Rather, it’s a case of presumption on the part of the participant. I’ve been mistaken for male, queer, libertarian, democrat, what have you and in each case it has simply been because the person I was interacting with had made a presumption that we were
the same. A person who had never met me, outside of an online chat room or comment string or other semi anonymous format had, barring additional proofs, decided we shared the same opinions and background.

Now, I know the Internet is a great equalizer, it allows people to transcend appearances and interact on a presumeably purer level, without preconceptions. But what I’m seeing is that preconceptions seem to be there *anyway*, that the mind fills the void left by the absence of face to face contact.

Is that better? Instead of assigning social stereotypes, were making an ever greater leap by assuming someone is just like us (and committing social faux pas like making social or racist or political comments we might not otherwise speak aloud).

It also speaks to responsibility on the part of the online user.  If you choose a username like “Baambi” or “A**munch”, that’s a deliberate choice on your part, that impression is one you are sending deliberately.  Is it really fair, therefore, to get pissed if someone treats you in a fashion that suits the identity you are imparting?  The socialy and crimminally minded do this all the time in reverse (or so the media would have us think).  They deliberately give the impression of nice, upstanding, harmless citizen while behind the scenes thier motives might be something far less harmless.

Christmas Rampant

I love the Holiday Season, really I do.  I will point out that, while Christmas is the chosen Holiday of this particular household, I would probably be happy to celebrate any of the winter holidays; Solstice, Kwanza, Chaunnakah, you name it.  It really *feels* like a halfway point somehow, even though I live in a state where “the depths of winter” is used as more of a joke than an actual descriptor.  The kids have settled in to the routine of school, the days are shorter, forcing more quality time upon our postage-stamp of a house, the kids sleep better in winter (haven’t figured *that* one out yet) the da** cats come inside to escape the cold.  It starts out uncomfortable at first.  The cats fight for a week or so, establishing who gets which chair or gets to sit in front of which heater vent.  The kids do something similar, establishing elaborate rules regarding TV viewing, seating on the couch, which books are to be read on any given evening, who gets their cocoa first in the morning.  By Holiday time, however, all the new groundwork is established (for some reason this never happens in summer, by the way, only in winter) and everyone is settled in to the new way of doing things.

One entertaining element and inadvertant “teaching moment” for the kids is the run-up to the Holidays.  In those weeks after Halloween when the Xmas stuff starts to show up on the shelves, the adults in our little family are not permitted to “look” at the Xmas stuff (but the kids are) which leads to some serious entertainment when I have to be led past the Xmas aisles with my eyes shut by my 4 year old.  It becomes a game, “spot the Christmas” where the kids keep their eyes open and we go out of our way to avoid exposure, driving a different way to school in the morning because the mall had put its holly up early, shopping at different stores so I don’t have to wander around with my eyes shut.  After Thanksgiving, of course, all bets are off, but it’s become a lesson in personal responsibility for my kids.  Just because the retailers put the stuff out there doesn’t mean you *have* to buy in, that you are the one responsible, not the people who stock the shelves.  If we want to start Christmas after Thanksgiving, then that is our perogative, in fact, if we we wanted to start Christmas on Christmas Day, then run it up to January 6th?  That’s something we can do too.

I dunno if that will stick.  I suspect they will all hit that teenage point where they want to do everything just like their friends do, like the TV tells them to.  But we all go through that point in our lives, and sooner or later we come out the other end and start reestablishing ourselves. Our traditions, our histories, new ideas, new family come back together again and those bits and pieces from childhood start to reemerge.  I’m kindof hoping this is one of them.